Sheila Star

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A Love Story 

11 years ago we said I do. Our vows to choose each other for better, for worse, in sickness and in health really take on a deeper meaning now.  For the past couple years I became extremely difficult to live with. My brain was so messed up at one point, I thought my husband was my enemy. Most people don’t know the severity of it. It's been difficult for me to process now that I have control of my brain again. Most wouldn’t be able to do what he did. He stood by me before anyone knew it was a medical issue. He loved me when I was the worst version of myself. My sister calls him a saint which he totally is. 
Hours after my surgery, the doctor asked him if he noticed any changes in my behavior and through tears he said, ”Yes, she’s better now then she’s been in years. I have my wife back.” It was quite shocking for everyone including myself to back instantly.  I’ll never forget that moment because it may be the greatest love story I have ever heard of.

Recovery. 

Recovery. Recovery can be both beautiful and ugly. Beautiful in the way that the first week I could barely take 10 steps down my street and Wednesday I walked 4 miles. It can be ugly in that I didn’t sleep for 6 straight days after surgery and wound up back at the hospital. I can’t even explain the torture that it was. Beauty in that after I shared my story, people reached out to me that went through the same thing and I didn’t feel alone. People that I know but never knew they went through brain surgery. Recovery can be ugly in the moments where every sound feels like it makes my ears bleed or the sun is so bright I have to wear sunglasses in my house. When I want so badly to be social but it's too much stimulation for my brain. It's beautiful that the community in which we live lifted me and my family up and supported me when I was at my lowest. Every text, meal, card, comment and like means the world to me and keeps me going when it's hard to see the light. It's ugly when you get follow up tests that say you are not in the clear yet and your mind starts racing and going to worst case scenarios. 
There's beauty in that I got to see my girl swim last weekend at the biggest rec meet in the country and she took 5th in breaststroke. I pushed myself past my own limit but mothers do that for their children.  
The definition of recovery is a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength. It actually made me laugh because normal doesn’t exist after going through really traumatic events. When you lose control of your own brain and then get to come back nothing will ever be normal again and I’m okay with that.

New Brain, Who Dis? 

I am ready to share my story. Today (July 19, 2023) marks 3 weeks into my recovery from a craniotomy (brain surgery). I had a massive 3.87cm colloid brain cyst wreaking havoc in the center of my brain. This all came to be after going to my annual eye exam and not being able to read the first 3 letters. My Optometrist said “I’m going to trust my gut on this and write you a referral to a retina specialist”. Little did she know she saved my life at that moment. After failing a vision field test I was ordered an MRI on May 30th and that is when they found the brain cyst. Prior to this (about a year ago), my close friends and family noticed extreme behavior changes. I would ask the same question 3 times in a row and was unaware I was doing it which caused me to become angry with everyone. I dropped out of everything and had no interest in social interaction. Significant memory loss and trouble learning. I also slept most of the day and have no memory of any of the Dr. appointments or much of the months before. I lost the ability to cry and oddly enough, I never had headaches, the most common symptom. Right before surgery, I was plummeting into psychosis.  Prior to my diagnosis, I imagine how hard it was for my family to watch me deteriorate in front of them and not know why or how to help me. It is scary to think what would have happened if I didn’t have the eye exam. I am still trying to process everything and my recovery is going well (it started out really really rough). Writing music is one of the things I can do and I have written songs about my experience. This has changed me forever in a good way and I cannot wait to get back out there and live life to the absolute fullest. PLEASE get your screenings because you never know if it could save your life❤️